The season of making lists (and checking them twice) isn't over yet. Time for resolutions.

1. Stop fighting with younger brother. (As if.)
2. Dust weekly. (Snicker.)
3. Smile more. (In this weather? Fat chance.)
4. Get in shape. (Fatter chance.)

I'll give them all a valiant try.

What's one of your resolutions?

• Janet Jackson exposed
  
• "The Daily Show" is king, evening news is prince
  
• "The Passion of Christ"
  
• Michael Moore
  
• Politics & celebrity
  
• ABC's comeback, NBC's tumble
  
• Who is Ken Jennings?
  
• Ray Charles, Marlon Brando and Christopher Reeve
  
• "The Lord of the Rings"
  
• Paris Hilton
  
  Read more at Cnn.com
  

Post from SP:
Forget Tetris, Old School Nintendo, crazy plumbers with racoon tails instead of a real butt, join me in welcoming my dear friend Halo. Halo, I think I love you.

We met one summer day about 3 years ago but it was just a quick nod to each other recognizing that we saw one another, but that's all it was. Then I was invited over to a friends place to meet Halo. I never believed in love at first site until that moment. Two xtra large pizzas and a 24 pack of beer later, I'd realized I had found my one true passion: shooting other people with glowing plasma guns and sticking them with glowing balls of destructions.

Well, time had passed until just recently when Halo's evil twin came out...and came out he did. I find my only refuge from a hard days work is either BP or Halo. So now I play whenever I get the chance (which isn't very often)...

Believe it or not, I don't own the game, I don't even own an XBOX. Thanks to Americano and Melanta for their kind can-i-play-with-you services. I think the most recent system that still works is my Sega Master System, or that old game on my PC with the frog crossing the road. Why? If I did own any sort of magical-give-you-warm-fuzzies-inside master gaming system supreme, the following would not have happened:
* Graduated
* Met BP
* Got engaged to BP
* Have friends
* Not be fat
* Have a nice job
* Have a family that thinks I spend my time doing other things...etc.

Even though certain things bring you harmless pleasure and are a good waste of time, there are so many things out there that are more important and in the end if you did them, you'll look back and know you lived your life to the fullness.(Thanks for the inspiration BP!) So find whatever those things are, do them first but leave time for yourself! Games up! Back to Halo...

Male reindeer drop their antlers late November at the start of winter. Females not until after they give birth in spring.

Thus, according to all historical renditions of Santa's sleigh, every single one of those beauties — from Rudolph to Donner to Blitzen — had to be a girl.

Figures. Only a woman could drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not ask for directions.

The 10 Most Well-Educated U.S. Areas


1. Boulder-Longmont, Colo. (31.32 % of population w/bachelor's degrees)
   
2. Stamford-Norwalk, Conn. (27.62%)
   
3. San Francisco (27.24%)
   
4. Corvalis, Ore. (26.2%)
   
5. Iowa City, Iowa (26.16%)
   
6. Bloomington, Minn (25.39%)
   
7. Fort Collins-Leveland, Colo. (25.29%)
   
8. Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill, N.C. (24.89%)
   
9. Madison, Wis. (24.86%)
   
10. Austin-San Marcos, Texas (24.49%)

Do we have any residents (past or present) of these illustrious areas?

Thank you all for visiting me this weekend (and thank you to Michele for sending these wonderful bloggers over).

I feel remiss in not updating more often this weekend since I knew I had this guaranteed audience... a hostess must always put her best foot forward, you know. Luckily, Sneakered Prince wrote that witty post about cute RileyDog -- and our experience of literally scaring the crap out of her -- oops!

I do have an excuse. I was busy putting my best hostess foot forward in the real world. Hurrah to the holiday party circuit! Oh, what a night. A good time was had by all... and a reallly good time, I believe, had by some. Hmmm.

Please return any time, friends of Michele! I certainly enjoyed our time together. Oh! And for those of you who said that Michele might have sent you this time but that you regularly visit o other days... many welcomings! I do love visitors.

Have a great night!

What happens when you mix a dog with a vacuum? Any ideas? The answer is poop.

Ever hear the phrase "You scared the shit out of me" -- even though the shit is in fact safely inside? Well if dogs could talk this would be their story...



Reenactment:
Vacuum: buzzzzzzzz
Dog: woof woof
Vacuum: buzzzzzzzz (getting closer)
Dog: Awooooooooo (cowering in fear)

So while BP is vacuuming the floor, Rileydog was determined to be near the parents that she loves and trusts. Riley is running around with her tail between her legs, so SP (that's me) picks her up and tries to comfort her; what does he get in return? Poop. Yes its true, we truly scared the shit out of her.

Using these hard facts and my dog's help, let's redo the reenactment in what the dog really experienced.


Reenactment take two:
Vacuum: buzzzzzzzz = Hey little puppy, come over here, I got some candy for you.
Dog: woof woof = WTF?!?!
Vacuum: buzzzzzzzz (getting closer) = MWAHAHAHA I am going to get you and take all your treats away!
Dog: Yipe yipe (cowering in fear) = Holy @#&* (poop flies out - and I mean shoots out!)

Moral: Is it really necessary to vacuum with the dog present?

~Click and See~

The best way to spread holiday cheer is to sing loudly for all to hear! Watch Santa & his reindeer do a little song & dance here.

"Pay me a compliment, Melvin. I need one, quick... and MEAN IT!"

Did you know that if you go to Amazon.com and type in "Insults," 218 results will be returned -- including "The Giant Book of Insults", "The Little Book of Venom", Shakespeare's Insults", Garfield's Insults", even "The Kids' Book of Insults."

Type "Compliments?" 42 -- most either out of print or having nothing to do with praise. (For instance, there's a novel called "Cyanide With Compliments.")

Call me crazy, but I'm feeling the need to spread some positive words! To borrow a technique from the lovely Michele, let us play a game:
First person leave me a compliment in the comments section... next person to comment, visit the person above you and leave them a compliment -- tell them I sent you!

I love words. And I am very particular about their meanings, their spellings, and the punctuation surrounding them. Yes, I was one of those nerds who thought Eats, Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation was an awesome book.

I'd like to discuss one word in particular today: but.

When in an argument, you cannot apologize without sincerity in your voice and have the other person accept it. You also cannot apologize and follow it immediately with a "but." But cancels the first part of the sentence out... or it says the first part doesn't have relevance... or in the case of an argument, it could say "I'm saying this because I know I have to but I don't really believe it and here's what I really think."

Might I suggest alternatives?

And is my favorite word. And conveys the message that both statements are true & relevant. It's just that is another that works -- and this one is even a little sneaky! Think about it -- it's just that often ends up being a lot like but -- but if you say it in the right tone, it works.

Examples:

I love you, but you're a bitch.
This (and you could put in any complaint or put-down in place of you're a bitch) is a line someone might use to end a relationship. They want to love you, but the fact that you're a bitch just is too much to overcome./

I love you... it's just that you're a bitch.
This is less harsh. It's saying you're having trouble with this, but you still want to be in the relationship.

I love you AND you're a bitch.
Be sure to say this with a long pause before the and. Very similar to it's just that you're a bitch. Again, addressing an issue without the negative feeling a but conveys.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm not saying never use the word but. (see above -- I used it when first discussing it's just that.) In the right place, but's sense of negating the first is a good thing! Just be sure to think about what you're saying next time. Sometimes the tiniest words are the most important!

And I'm out...

Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in London has created their own celebrity nativity scene. In it, Tony Blair, George Bush and the Duke of Edinburgh make up the three wise men.

They were voted into the roles by 300 people who visited the attraction in October. It’s quite obvious that those people had very good senses of humor. Anybody who would cast George W. Bush as a wise man would have to.

I quite literally wake up with a Diet Coke, drowning my first one of the day while still in the shower. Its coolness contrasted with the steam of the shower makes for an invigorating wake up that I'd recommend to the groggiest of non-morning people. I have had to cut back my consumption somewhat, for fear of having my teeth rot and my sleep interrupted, but if I could, I would drink six to 10 cans daily.

I prefer it ice-cold -- on the verge of freezing -- and I use each can to space out the events of my day... the way smokers use cigarette breaks. Are you nodding your head? You understand? Our kind is strong in numbers and devotion! And we're not alone...

The Beach Boys demand Diet Coke. So do divas Mariah Carey, Elton John, and Cher. Shania Twain & LeAnn Rimes can't get enough. Frank Sinatra always had a six pack or two in his dressing room. Donald Trump wouldn't be caught dead with a Trump Ice bottled water... he prefers nothing over Diet Coke. Harvey Weinstein (head honcho of the Miramax empire) rides in a limo stocked with it. And John Edwards (*sigh*) has been known to drink as many as 10 Diet Cokes while campaigning -- a habit both of the Clintons wholeheartedly endorsed.

For naysayers who tell me I'm killing myself slowly, read this: The fine folks at the University of Minnesota studied the effects of long-term, hard-core aspartame use in 108 volunteers. In the study, every day for 24 weeks, half were given a placebo and the other half were given the same amount of aspartame found in 10 liters of Diet Coke. The Minnesotan researchers discovered no differences between the two groups. Take that!

Okay, I'll also admit that a story from Oxygen magazine on the dangers of aspartame poisoning says that 90% of the independent studies do conclude it's dangerous.

All this begs the question, "Is it safe to be addicted to Diet Coke?" I don't know. I don't care. I've been told "if you knew what was in them, you would never have another one," but I just don't care. I don't smoke, don't drink coffee, don't eat junk food (well, okay, I sometimes eat junk food). My Diet Coke addiction is my only vice. When I ask for a Diet Coke in a restaurant and they say, "Is Diet Pepsi okay?" I say, "No. Just make it water then." And then I make a note not to go there again.

Since I have no idea what that means, I'm switching it to "Make Someone Laugh Day." And did you know? The best way to spread laughing cheer is to tell a joke loud(ly) for all to hear!

With that, I open my blog. Tell a joke & spread the laughing love!

p.s. In case you're interested, tomorrow is "National Pastry Day" so you've got an excuse to cheat on your diets!

Passed on through Groovebunny (a very cool chickie)...

I want EVERYONE to do this... everyone... even if you don't have a blog, you can do A&B:

(A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:

(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.

(C) Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything.

I stole all the tootsie rolls from the candy bowl at the office of Maple Grove yesterday. Charge me $745/mo for rent? Ha. Take that.

www.notsalmon.com is the website of Karen Salmansohn, a bestselling author and motivational coach.

Karen's approach to self-help is very different from the fluffy-discover-your-inner-child mess that's out there. She's smart and sassy and damn funny and very intelligent and tells it like it is.

And Ms. Salmansohn isn't just limited to the subject of self-help and growth; she also writes adult and children's fiction, too.

And now she's got a blog, too. And starting January 3, she's gonna be doing something really interesting. In her own words:

In the last few years I find I get asked for career and life advice more and more...and so I decided to get organized about helping people and offer a specific time in which I will coach folks for free, 5 days a week, M thru F starting at 8:30 am going to 9:30.

And so... this January I will be hosting a morning life-booster blog here at www.notsalmon.com to motivate people I know (and those I dont even know) to accomplish EVERY GOAL IN 2005, DAMMIT, using the techniques from my newest book ENOUGH, DAMMIT.

So check it out in the new year! But in the mean time, check out her site and take a gander at all the fabulous books she has written, dammit!

(via BookLust)

1. Life is sexually transmitted.
   
2. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
   
3. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!
   
4. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
   
5. Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
   
6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
   
7. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
   
8. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
   
9. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
   
10. In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
    
11. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
    
    AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR 2004: Many terrorists come to America legally and hang around on expired visas (some for as long as 10-15 years). At Blockbuster you’re two days late with a video rental and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of US immigration

...Stolen from Just a Girl

In Mom's eyes, you're as big a celebrity as JFK, George Washington, or Elvis.

Strangely enough, the U.S. Postal Service doesn't share this view.

So it's probably best not to wait for your mug to appear on a stamp. Do it yourself instead with PhotoStamps, a Web site dedicated to celebrating your glory (all 37 cents' worth) on personalized stamps.

The process is simple: Upload a pic, doctor it with design tools, place your order, and voila!

Friends, family, and the credit-card company can all experience your delightful visage on this year's holiday greetings.

Or any other image, for that matter -- dog, cat, loved one, Frosty the Snowman from the front yard. Just no profanity, please. That's way too Paris Hilton for you, anyway.

Available online at photo.stamps.com.
(via DailyCandy)

BoingBoing reader Brandon says,

There is a "bug" in the iPod Photo that randomly flashes photos from other albums into slideshows. [on Leander Kahney's Wired blog, "Cult of Mac,"] Keith Finch has suggested this might not be a bug, but rather an intentional measure to dissuade users from keeping "double secret 'Hot Butts'" albums on their iPods. The hypothetical situation he presents to support his case is good for a chuckle or two.

Link to article

When someone gives me a surprise & I truly didn't know it was coming, I love it! That's wonderful! But if I have an inkling, wanting -- no, needing -- to know drives me (and them) crazy!

Not only do I want to know my surprises (yes, I always tried to find Christmas gifts before the big day when I was a kid) but I also have a hard time KEEPING my surprises a secret! Sometimes it's just not thinking. ie, yesterday I brought home a gift for SP and left it in a bag that also had something he had asked me to pick up for him. Needless to say, he spotted it. Today I handed him a receipt that had another gift on it. Oy vey.

And it's not just forgetfulness like that... take my wedding dress. I'm DETERMINED for SP not to have any idea what it looks like until the big day... yet there's part of me that REALLY wants to tell him... I've even made him play the "guessing game" where we take a wedding magazine that the dress is in & he has to see if he can pick it out.

I'm so bad... Sorry, SP! I'll try to do better and keep my secrets so you can have the pleasure of a nice surprise :) love you!

Like I said earlier, I love gadgets. Now, thanks to Yoni Cohen's site, College Basketball, I have a new one. Look to your left. Don't see it? Down a little.

I have my very own basketball scoreboard!!

Next time your local tv station doesn't carry the game you want to see, come visit ME to keep updated on the score! (Like right now I'm staying on top of IU/UNC -- go Hoosiers!!)